Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
third nipple confirmed
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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