In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
