She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
