just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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