I just pynch a tree in the face
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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