I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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