none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
