Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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