So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
