I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
