its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize