dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
