all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
