Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
