You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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