you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
