And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
