Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
