I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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