cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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