Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
