shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
