You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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