How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
