Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
