I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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