I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
