"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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