I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
