this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
