Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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