Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
