Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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