Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
