Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
