So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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