I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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