based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
