Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
