I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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