i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
