Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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