he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
