why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
