I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
did i walk over a car last night?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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