dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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