I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
