There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
