Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
