my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Michael Bay diarrhea
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.