I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.