I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
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I queefed so loud it echoed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
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Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.