My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.