I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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