her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need water and some morals
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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