you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
