it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
