my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
