I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He felt like a one man threesome
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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