ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
