fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
